A Word with Doug Wilhelm

I was visiting a middle school a couple of weeks ago where everyone had read The Revealers. It was evening: I had spent the day in school talking with the kids, and now we were waiting for a parents’ forum on bullying and my book to begin. I was sitting with some students, when one asked if she could write something in my notebook. I had told the kids that day about my writer’s notebook, pulling it from my pocket to show them and explaining that if I noticed something that day, if I heard or saw or learned something from them that I wanted to remember, I would write it down.

“Sure,” I said, and I handed my notebook to the seventh grader. “Here you go.” She took it and wrote down for me a couple of evil text messages she had recently received. They were amazingly cutting and cruel. She added, in my little book, that in my new novel for young adults I should write about “texting abuse (lies).”

Now I want to know more — a lot more. My impression is that the number of nasty, cruel, harsh text messages being sent every day by young teenagers to each other is far greater than anyone — even the teenagers themselves — suspects. And because the book I’m currently writing is a sequel to The Revealers, in which the kids’ use of technology is up to date in both positive and negative ways, I want to know about nasty texting. What is in the cutting messages kids are receiving?

Have you received — or sent — a nasty text? If so, What did it say?

I’m asking you to share these messages with me, not so I can repeat them but so that I can write a realistic new book. You can share with me the kinds of texts that have passed through your phone in one of two ways:

1. Post a comment here. (If you do that, others will be able to read your comment.)

2. Send an email to me at dwilhelm@together.net. (Then only I will read what you share.)

Because I’m writing fiction, I won’t share or repeat what you send me! You will help me understand, and write realistically about, the dark side of what is happening with texting among teens today — the kinds of harsh and cruel messages that really are being sent.

This is only part of my new story, but it’s an important part, I think.

Will you help me by telling me the truth?

I recently asked middle schoolers around the country to help me develop a followup novel to The Revealers. I asked them for true, uncensored advice on how to survive middle school.

Here’s what I said during several school visits: If you were talking with a younger person, someone you knew and cared about who was starting middle school next year, what would you tell them? Please write that, I said — and when you’re done, pass it in to me.

This week’s post is the final in a series of three that share the most interesting and most revealing advice they gave. The first week, I posted kids’ tips for dealing with teachers and other adults in school. Last week, the kids spoke from experience about dealing with other social groups, cliques, and other kids.

This post passes along kids’ most personal wisdom — how to act in middle school, whether you should try to be yourself or not, and what to do about drama, rumors, and the pressures to belong.

Here’s the advice I collected:

Be yourself. Don’t try to act like anyone else and always do your homework.

Do all of your work. Don’t be stuck up or a lot of the older girls especially won’t like you. To be popular, just try to be nice to everyone and don’t butt into other people’s problems. Try to stay AWAY from gossip. Gossip always turns out bad even if you don’t start it.

The one thing that I would want to say to a sixth grader is to be yourself. If you don’t be yourself then you will fall into the wrong category of people. There are three categories — popular, almost there, and what populars like to call the “Losers.” If you are a kid who does not want to be popular then pretend to be someone you aren’t. Then you will fall into the wrong category. This is what I did wrong.

To survive in middle school, you’ve gotta first of all keep kind of organized. If all of your stuff’s just thrown in a pile, then you’re probably not going to do well. You should try to make friends, because there are like groups in the middle school like preps, jocks, skaters, nerds, punk, wanna-be gangster kids. You should try to make a good group of your own with your friends in it because that’s how you will survive.

If you want to be a popular kid and a good student you have to be sorta two-faced. To teachers you need to be a good kid and listen and answer questions but to kids you got to be the tough guy or rebel and I guarantee you will be popular. Then kids will want you around them and look up to you and you will still be a good student and get good grades.

One huge problem in mostly seventh grade is DRAMA. Some people are kind of addicted to it, and those are the people you don’t trust. Only tell your secrets to a few people and do the best of your ability to pretend to like everybody. Keep the drama for the llama, and stay out of it. Also, flirting with people will help you stay on their good side. Ha ha.

Don’t be fake. Middle school is the time to mature and start becoming who you want to be like, feel like, sound like, and look like. Sometimes that can scare kids, but don’t fret. You can pick a group such as jocks or sporty kids or the class clown kind of kids. If you’re lucky and calm about it, you might be friends with everyone. Friends are key.

Some advice I have is don’t get caught up in all the rumors or gossip. Try to avoid all the drama. Get good friends that don’t hate or dislike you, but also keep up your grades or you’ll be swallowed up in all the stress.

Through this blog and in school visits, I recently asked middle schoolers around the country to help me develop a followup novel to The Revealers. They could do this, I said, by giving me their own true, uncensored advice on how to survive middle school.

I said, if you were talking with a younger person, someone you knew and cared about who was starting middle school next year, what would you tell them?

This week’s post is the second in a series of three that share the most interesting and most revealing advice they gave. Last week I posted kids’ tips for dealing with teachers and other adults in school. This week, middle schoolers speak from experience about dealing with other kids, with social groups, with peer pressure. Next week’s final post will present their most personal wisdom — whether you should try to be yourself in middle school, and if so, how.

Part two, dealing with cliques, social pressures, and other kids:

If I had to give a student one piece of advice for middle school it would be don’t get involved in drama and rumors. They could get you in a lot of trouble, and also hurt someone. If you hear a rumor, ignore it or stand up for that person.

Try to find the right clique, because if you don’t then you might be left out of activities that you may like to do. Make friends with only the kids that look okay to you. Don’t just go off looking for cool kids because they might not be the kind of people you may think they are.

I would say watch out for DRAMA. Because no matter how hard you try it can get to you by rumors or secrets. Your best friend or relative could even be the start of this drama. The drama can happen outside of school or inside, but most of it will get back to school. If you’re caught up in drama let it go. Although most people don’t. They will go up to that person and confront them and it could lead to a fistfight or a yelling fight.

I have a friend in sixth grade. If it was just us two in a room and we were talking about middle school, one piece of advice I would give her is to not let bullies or anyone make you feel bad and to not take it. I would tell her that if she ever had a problem with someone from the next grade up, try to talk to me about it and don’t let stupid situations get in the way of her success.

Do not get in the wrong group of kids who do drugs. Lean towards friends who like you for the way you are not by the way you dress or the way you look. Do not do bad things to fit in.

Don’t let your guard down. Don’t let your friends go and try to find a true friend. And you can’t let people pick on you. Peer pressure and name calling are your major informers to how your life has been going.

I would tell them to study hard, keep good grades and hang out with the right people. Stay away from drugs and people you know will hurt you, even if being around them makes you popular. You want to be around people good to you. Another thing, don’t cower to people that pick on you or bully you. That shows you’re weak and they’ll keep doing it.

If you are going to try to be popular make sure you wear the expensive clothes. I think it’s easy to get popular, just hang out with the right kids, also don’t hang with kids that have white clothes, populars never wear white. Boys love to give girls hugs so if they ask go ahead.

Yes you would need to stay away from those druggie kind of people, and you should try to avoid being with the wrong crowd. I’m not made for popular people. I’m funky and different in my own way.

Avoid rumors at all costs, they spread like wildfire, nobody is safe. Even if you have nothing to do with it, it could still get you. Kids are like wolves. They have their cliques and fight, like a never-ending cycle. Everything is connected.